Close OR Open ?? *_*

I feel kinda lost at this moment... suddenly feel that something is wrong with me...I just don't know how to express my true inner feelings... I no longer know when to laugh... when to cry... how to show that I actually care for somebody... tell somebody something I really want them to know...


I just can't unless it's under some special circumstances, this is probably because I've always formed this super strong barrier which only occasionally allows certain trustworthy person to enter, then I'll use this golden opportunity to tell them about everything I feel in one shot... (this is when I talk non-stop) then I will close the barrier again (back to the inactive stage)until I think the barrier formed is going to burst soon ...


This process of closing and opening of the barrier is so torturing but I just can't help it... I find it easier to tell what I truly feel when I'm talking face to face to one person at the right time and at the right place... I do realise that some of my friends find me weird when I'm behaving this way, actually even I myself don't know how did that happen in the first place... I can only say that it's not something that I could control... but still I'll try to do sth... 

If I were to describe myself using the word "temperature", I would say I'm sometimes too cold and sometimes too hot.. haha :D


At this juncture of time, I can't find chance & time to confide in someone yet.. so I need to get rid of something from my heart here~ and I just did it..


Hmmm.....MAYbe I shouldn't be so paranoid to build barrier like this, should just show what I feel right inside my heart rite???... and not a P-P-P-POKER FACE !!! xd

Phew~ anyway I feel like a deflated balloon right now.. and the feeling is so good!! :)

I KNOW YOU WILL...

No matter what happens... I know it will eventually be okay... yea no doubt that I'm extremely worried about you.. but what you have to do is just to make sure that you get enough rest and hopefully you will recover as soon as possible...

For the time being, there's nothing much I can do... All I need to do is to manage everything well even when you are not at home.. I'm pretty sure I can do that... coz I'm now old enough to be independent and I'll do my part well so that you need not worry about anything...trust me~

Chinese new year is coming soon, I know you'll be able to come back and celebrate with us... You don't have to feel sorry for not celebrating with me for getting 'satisfactory' results coz it was what I should do.. in fact I should have put in more effort to get even better results... anyway that's not so important..

what more important is that you will GET WELL soon~ because you're my dearest dad!!