A mini heart to heart talk:)

A cover by me, there's still much more to improve, and some flaws here and there, I could hear that, but just don't care for now LOL :P Quite bad actually, that's why I don't like to do recording early in the morning :(

I randomly selected this song and found it quite nice :) Could have done it better if I practice more xP Why didn't I? Hmmm....

Enjoy listening if you like it, if not is alright!

There comes a time when some sentimental moments creep in....

Two months from now, I will be in another country, a place which I'm totally not familiar with. However, I will learn to be more independent, and hopefully can adapt to the new environment as fast as possible. 

Are you looking forward for that? It will be YES and NO.Yes is because it's gonna be a new place for me to explore. No!! because I'm definitely gonna miss home like crazy, but I'm getting myself ready for that!

Hereby, I would also like to express my heartfelt gratitude to people who have made significant changes in my life and also to those who love me as much as I love them. Thank you for always being there, for supporting me, loving me, lending me a hand when I need it most. I really appreciate it!! Just like the title of this song, I wanna say 愛你! plus 们 means I love all of YOU!!!:DDDD

When you realize....

You know what, just keep your mouth shut, then the world will be much peaceful? WHO? YOU....!! YOU....!! YOU....!! okay I'm telling myself this, not anyone else. 

If you want to talk, just go down and find your pets, I think they can be your best listeners. If you want to cry, please jump into the pool, so that people cannot see your tears. If you want to hug something, just buy a bigger soft toy/bolster. If you want to scream, make sure you are in a soundproof room. All I wanna say is please don't ever disturb others with your problems, you will seem really annoying, or maybe not you is just me.

Perhaps I should pretend to be blind, deaf, mute when is necessary, and just focus on what's more important for the time being and not anything else. 
 


 

Sunday~

Please please keep me busy, as busy as possible, as tired as possible,

so that when I wake up I can be busy, when I'm tired I can sleep 

and nothing else, nothing else.  

Forever stuck at home for some irritable reasons, 

I'm sure everyone is going out tomorrow,

I will go out too, but for lessons, 

then for the rest of the day you'll see me at home.

Where?? HOME. 

I'm always looking forward to having a happy Sunday!! Though it's unlikely for the time being. But is alright! Sometimes sacrifices have to be made, as usual.

 

Overprotection

When things have a sad ending whenever you are directly or indirectly involved in it , you tend to lose courage in doing the same thing again, as you now need even more courage than the first few times to even start doing it.

The feeling is never good, but I'm always suppressing it. Thus, if you ask me what do you like to do most?? I can say is singing and drawing, as these are the best ways for me to release the mental stress which I have been accumulating. I don't care what I'm drawing or what kinda of songs I'm singing. 

I know I always appear to be a little moody, especially when I'm alone. So I like to keep myself as occupied as possible, if I can, I rather I talk non-stop than keeping quiet. 

But I really don't like to argue with people though I may do it sometimes, talking in this way make me feel really unhappy, I really don't like. But if you're doing that to me, I'm sorry this is gonna be the way I treat you, even if is something I dislike, I just gotta admit that I have a very thick face.

Why am I always the one who is giving myself problems, or rather making every little thing a problem for myself. Life is really difficult if I were to live like this. I'm building too many walls around me, but not a single window, you know how that feels like?? feeling.. SUFFOCATED~

Note for myself: Please don't get tensed up easily, love yourself more and at the same time allow others to love and care for you too, don't overprotect yourself; the door is always there, but why do you always choose to lock it?? 

I guess I just have to find the right key to open it when it's the time to do so.

Sleep MoRe!

Sleep is all I need most now. I just gotta wake up early every morning, yes is every morning, even weekends?? YES YES YES.

By right if that's the case I should be sleeping earlier, but I always fail to do so. And no matter how sleepy I am during the day, I just can't sleep. My god feeling really tired, sometimes I just wanna rest and not do anything. 

I still feel very tired even after I wake up every morning, really need more sleep I suppose. Good thing is when I know I'm supposed wake up, I will still wake no matter how reluctant I feel D:

How's your tempo of life~

Nowadays, I realized that I always talk a lot, sometimes I even think that its a bit too much. But most of the time, I was purely CRAPPING or JOKING unless there's something serious, just don't know since when I started to be this talkative (it's only when I'm with my friends).

If you knew me before this, you would never describe me as talkative but rather the opposite. You could hardly hear me when I spoke last time, but now this happens maybe once in a while. Now that I think back, I was a much more gentle and soft-spoken person back then :P

Then I started thinking why the change?? WHY?? 

I think is because I no longer want my voice to be unheard, I can voice up for myself, SO why act like a coward. Being silent about everything is not always good, you are more likely to miss out on a lot of things, and people might start taking advantage of this weakness of yours.  

Another thing, 'why are you so fierce sometimes??'.... ME?? Looking fierce?? Yeap but only to certain people, not because I hate or dislike them, no such thing, just that I tend to get a bit tense when people start getting or becoming closer to me when I only know them for some time. 

I don't usually get close to a person so easily and quickly, it takes time for me to slowly know a person. Thus, if this process were to be fast-forwarded, I will start feeling a little uneasy and insecure. That's when I behave as if I'm a little angry or looking fierce (that's actually my super tense look). I totally can imagine it now and hate it when I look like that.

I know I'm a little too sensitive in this sense, but that's the difference between what I called as close friends and a-friend-or-close-friend to be. 

Taking one step at a time is the tempo that suits me the best, but sometimes this might be a bit too slow for other people. Just like how every piece of music has its own tempo, if you think presto or allegro is way too fast for you, just choose a piece with a slower tempo. 

You might consider mine as adagio, but who knows, perhaps slow and steady works better for me:)

I know it all :)

I know how bad it is... I definitely know, don't need to tell me :]

But I know if I manage to go through the hardest times in my life, I will be so happy by that time. So just by thinking how happy I will be by that time, I always tell myself to just bear with it for the time being. It's definitely awful to be in this situation, but I will not let this be my problem forever, NEVER! This time, I'm very determined to do so! No matter how much I need to suffer, it's not a big deal anymore! Because I'm ready for that!!  

Missing You BADLY :(

I'm missing my phone quite badly. There are so much things about me inside, feeling so sad and unsafe at the same time. 

After this, once again it proves to me that there's no where safe to keep your things, no matter where, there's still a chance of it being missing or taken, by chance or by bad intention. A place which I once thought was safe, and things which I never thought would happen could just take place right in front of me.

In fact, nothing is impossible, don't ever think that it won't happen to you. But at the same time, do something to prevent all those bad things from happening, don't just sit down and hope that everything will be okay, no such thing!

I also learned that when something bad has happened or affected you, solve it as soon as possible, don't procrastinate!! I had learned this the hard way and suffered through the process, here I'm talking about another bad experience. 

All in all, when there's a problem, solve it, don't hide, don't procrastinate, don't be scared!!

Hide and SeeK?

Note to myself:

I'm too tired to care so much anymore. I know I'm not very good in a lot of things which I'm doing right now. I can feel how people think of me,  just by the way they talk or look at me. I know how bad I am when dealing with certain things.

I'm really really tired for reminding myself to do so many things everyday. People might think that I'm faked, selfish, timid, snobbish or whatever it is I don't know, just maybe or no one is even free to think about me.

I know I always make people feel uncomfortable when they are talking to me. Sometimes I even think that it may be even better if I just keep quiet all day long. Be as transparent as possible, but this is definitely not the right thing to do.

I just don't want to give myself too much of unnecessary pressure. If it's something I can't do I will only try and not force myself any further. I can't possibly change myself just to please everyone, but instead should be the real me, which I'm still seeking.

Should really stop playing hide and seek with myself. I know it's a very sad thing if my family or good friends were to read this. They must be really disappointed with me who is thinking so negatively. I just need some time to get better. It's not easy to cope with so many things and I just have to keep on motivating myself no matter what, since I made the choice!! It's just another battle that I need to fight till the end~ 

What's wrong with YOU??

TODAY is the last day of my study break.. ><

I think I'm being really weird recently.

I didn't mean to do things which may have annoyed you, 

I kept doing that to my sis, Sorry!!~

but I just feel guilty for not studying more during this hols,

whenever my sis asks me out, I will just say NO NO NO...

For the past few days,

I rejected anyone who asked me out,

which I felt really bad. (sorry)

Not that I study a lot at home,
but once I step out of my house for more than few hours

I'll just feel a sense of guilt.

Hey, sleep MORE!!

Holidays will be ending soon. Oh no!! I've not done much during the holidays, once again what I've planned earlier on was not done, or maybe only partially done.


Whenever I want to start studying, either my laziness or something will stop me from doing that. This is bad but I did have some fun during my holidays. I didn't go anywhere too far, since I just wanted to get more rest and go out once in a while to meet my friends.


When I know there are too many things for me to do, I will start feeling the stress and don't know which one to start first. I think I should finish one task at a time instead of being so ambitious, trying to do so many things at one time. And I think I should sleep more. But the thing is I will feel guilty if I wake up too late, so usually I won't sleep till too late unless I'm really tired.


Nowadays, my sleeping time becomes later and later, I used to make sure that I sleep latest by 12am. But now knowing that my holidays will be ending soon, will stay up a bit later to do my assignments.


I think is really bad when you don't get enough sleep, I tend to get agitated easily >.< 

For sharing purposes :)

I've tried making people around me feel good because I believe that with a more positive attitude, everything will eventually turn out to be good. BUT then, I have overestimated my own ability, apparently I'm not able to influence others in the way I expected it to be.

When I say this, it means that I've attempted quite a number of times and it still didn't work that well. And I've also tried with different people, not merely one. So I think it's really not easy to change a person's behaviour, just like how I find it hard to change some of my own bad habits :P

Sometimes, I just think that certain things could be better if we were to do it in another way. But others might not think so. So to make life simpler... just don't care about them?? Hmmm..to be honest, I actually can't do so, UNLESS that person is no longer my family member or friend. 

When what I wanted to see didn't happen, for sure the disappointment is there. But I'll usually keep on trying until a point where I think I've already tried my best or perhaps some other more suitable people can do it, then that's when I think I should stop.

Maybe I shouldn't be so meddlesome, we can help others only when they are willing to be helped by us, so I shall just take good care of myself and if people really need my help, I think they'll come to me.

Actually I just hope to see people around me to live happily (If not every day at least most of the time^^). Because I was once in a deep depression and nobody but only myself could change the situation. Though I had some very supportive friends at that time, I still think no one could change that except for myself.

SO I personally feel that life could be better when we want it to be, really :) That's when I started to be more easily contented. Okay just a reminder for the day: Don't become a busybody in an excessive manner!!

How could I ??

The thing which I'm afraid most is happening again, how could I?? Sometimes it's not because I don't want to get something which I aspire to have, but it's the fear that is stopping me. Because I'll always think of what would happen if I were to lose it one day. And this thought of losing it is stopping me whenever I attempt to get it.

So it's just like I'm playing a game with myself, trying to do everything against my own will. This is really pathetic, but I don't know why I have such thought in my mind. So can you imagine the number of times I've disappointed myself, it is countless!! I thought I could change this but this part of me is just too hard to be gotten rid of. My life is ruined by myself, how could I ???

Yes I know that this is not right, but I just can't help it. I don't know why I like to torture myself so much and in such crazy manner. 

Really sorry for all these boring posts recently, can just ignore them if you think is annoying. I just want to voice out here. And no offence because it's utterly about my own self who can't speak certain things with my self-sealed mouth.

Am I the only ONE ??

In times of loneliness, what you need is just a person to tell you that you're actually not alone. 

I have never been this afraid of loneliness before. In fact, I thought I would enjoy the pleasure of being alone. But not until I finally got to spend more time all by myself, then I realized that I dislike the feeling of being alone, when there's no one you can talk to or just to look at.

I might appear as though I'm like a loner since I've hardly spoken anything which bothers me to anyone before. That's because I'm just not used to doing this since young. Getting me to express my inner feelings can be one of the most difficult tasks, unless you could make me feel really comfortable doing that.

In most of my attempts, even before I uttered a word, my tears already started to roll down. It's to this extent when it comes to something really sentimental or emotional, that's why I always choose to avoid , which I find is quite torturing.  Alright it's time to learn to cope with my rather eccentric behaviours !! -.-

Just a really short note :)

I'm not really in the mood of blogging but just thought that my blog would look really pathetic if I don't update it. 

YEAH tomorrow will be a public holiday!!! I love holidays and I want more because I have a lot of things to do!!!

But for now, I really have to stop doing all other unimportant things and make myself to STUDY more. I really need to allocate more time for study, seeing the long list of chapters which I'm yet to cover is really depressing.

Okay, shall not talk so much since this post was intended to be a short one. 

Never say never~

How have I been recently??? Very busy.

I've not been this busy before, it all started after I joined the dance which will be performed during the intervarsity games, organized by Aimst @ Kedah.

  

I actually think that I'm busy at the right time, not because what we're learning now is fairly easy and it's definitely not. But the reason why I said so was because previously I think my  brain had wandered off too far away, until I couldn't concentrate well. And I've actually made myself suffer for no good reasons. Stupid me:P

At least now that I have something to engage in, I tend not to think about other things. It's like there's just something for me to do almost every hour. You know when you're busy, your mind just can't think of anything else but for the things which you're doing, which is good:)

Though I get really tired almost everyday, I still don't mind as long as I get what I want in the end. Undeniably, the thought of giving up kept lingering in my mind, because it wasn't easy at all in the beginning. And giving up on something is always easy, but it's the determination to do it till the end that is the difficult part. And that's what we call "Perseverance".

I don't know if I can do it, but will definitely try. I'd just missed out too many opportunities of any forms in the past, all because I gave up too easily. And I was always skeptical about my own ability to do something even before trying it. Actually, nothing is impossible if we're willing to learn.

The more I'm afraid of something, the more I want myself to do it, to try it, or even see it. Yes I just want to conquer as much fears as possible. Because when you're all by yourself, you just have to face everything YOURSELF. So it's better to get prepared..haha sounds like I'm torturing myself !! >.<

For now, whatever happens, I will just let it be because sometimes certain things are just beyond what we could control. But I can certainly choose the way I want to live. 

I know this post might sound like I'm talking to myself. Hmm actually quite true. Because I just can't find a good way to express what I feel, what I think but I really need that. For I always feel better after doing it. And I don't think anyone would like to lend me their ears for all my relatively boring thoughts. 

HAHA don't worry, I won't bother you. And I will always find a way to heal myself. Because if I don't love myself more, who will ?? :) 

Back to normal again~

I realise that nowadays my blog is rather boring, with all my stupid emo posts... hahaha :)

Feeling not too bad today, had fun with my bunch of friends. And I went to try out for singing (felt like trying something new & fun), because there will be a performance next week. And this is for a charity event, so why not :)

Today seems to be filled with lots of activities. Is good that this can keep me occupied, then my brain won't wander off :P 

Alright I shall end today's post with my current picture :) 

Had my home-made sandwiches before lecture.. Hmm~ so nice!! :)

Guess what?? I've become a big eater after entering uni!! HAHA:D

You'll never know until...

I'd finally understood how it felt like when it really happened to me. Anyway it's good to at least get the feel of it. Since that's part and parcel of life, I will accept it and learn from it.

~Tomorrow will be a better day~

(because I want it to be)

(:

I don't know how to express my feelings nowadays. It seems that everything has gone back to how it used to be. I just feel like how I felt last time. Oh nooo...this is really a bad sign. Since it's something which I used to feel, I will solve it as soon as possible. Give me some time, and I'll be okay :)   

~  Time is the best healer ~

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Can't believe that I needa PACK too :)

Compared to those going to overseas, mine is just a small matter :P

Ohh so what's my matter then?? haha :)

I've decided to stay at the apartment right opposite IMU, instead of driving to and fro everyday. Not because I can't drive, but my parents said they will have to worry about me everyday. They even thought of many other alternatives, like hiring a driver and etc.

Oh no, that's just too much!! If they were to get me a driver, sounds great right, but I think my study hours will vary from day to day. So not a good idea after all. And I don't like it when I have to wait for the driver to come. If I have a car, I would have gone home straight and need not wait at all. I just dislike to wait, knowing that I'm can be a very impatient person at times.

Thus, I opt for the better solution, that is to stay there. Save time, save money (bcoz hiring a driver will be even more expensive), save myself from being worried everyday :D 

Well, it's time for a CHANGE !! ^^


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