Clear ENOUGH??

When you know you are about to do something simply due to the impulsion you have at that moment..... Heyy don't do it first, think twice!! Because most of the time, you will be regretful after that.

Always think of the consequences of the things you are about to do. There were times when i really felt like doing something, really close to doing it, but after thinking, luckily I didn't. 

Unless you are very sure of what you are going to do is really what you want or worth doing, if not don't make a decision immediately, it might just be an illusion sometimes, maybe?? 

Do it only when you are clear of what you want. This way less problems will be created.

Being rational is a good thing, but of course I won't just follow the rules and regulations I set for myself blindly. When I'm sure enough of what I want, I will go for it!!~

Don't think so much plz ~

Supposedly to sleep when it's so late, why still don't want to sleep?? >_< Been having too much thoughts in my mind, I just don't feel that it's right or good to share with anyone. But this is really not good and it's affecting my sleep. When I don't get enough of sleep, everything just gets terrible, my mood, my skin and urgh! Don't mention! 

I always think that I can become my own therapist for every problem I face, yes it works most of the time, or rather I'm good at convincing myself? I seriously don't know. I've been very tough for this but sometimes I just feel as though I can't breathe anymore, can't take this anymore! I'm very TIRED actually, but T. J.Y. , you must not give up in the things you do, cannot!! Must go on till the end!!! I don't know what will happen in the end, but will definitely cheer myself up if I ever get sad during this process, reward myself a bit if there's something great happens. 

Don't worry, I think I'm just too tired that I get myself a little confused sometimes. As long as I get enough of rest, I guess I'll be back to normal again! Yes I'm sure I will be!! Okay should rest before going for my trip, this would be the best chance to clear my mind:)

As long as it works for me!

Sometimes when you care too much for some people,  little petty unhappy things that they did to you could actually make you rather sad. I admit that I'm a busybody, everything that happens to people whom I'm close to I would want to know, but.... MAYBE I shouldn't know so much, I suppose if people want you to know something, they will automatically tell you. 

I'm kinda tired of my busybody role too, actually all I wanna do is just to make sure that people around me are feeling alright. And I realize that even if you want to make them feel alright, not necessarily they will be alright, everyone just has that particular person they choose to listen to.

So from now onwards, I will divert my focus on brushing up skills which I can still improve on. I'm paying so much fees for some lessons, thus shouldn't put my parents' money to waste, should spend more time to practise!!

Yes I will try not to get distracted so easily, gotta accept the fact that I can't care so much about others unless there's a need to.
 

All I know is hopefully I can make myself better, healthier, cleverer, mentally stronger (haha) and maybe prettier (LOL). Yes I'm gonna do that!!!! xD

Okay I'm feeling alright now!!! Phew~

CloseNess~

Listening to my own voice through the songs I sing makes me feel good. It may not sound nice to others, but I just like the feeling of being so close to myself. Really comfortable, though certain parts are out of tune or have some pitching problems :) Doesn't matter!!

It can bring back the fond memories I had while singing that song. Then, I realised that my voice has changed slightly. I have a more mature voice now... HAHA :D

In life, I know I might have many weaknesses, but I wouldn't blame myself for that. Instead, I think is better to think of ways to improve them than to be upset over it. Some of my weaknesses may have caused problems or difficulties to me, but I will not give up in overcoming them. No matter how long it takes or how many times I'm going to fail !!~

Something to share :)

~Whenever you're starting to see hopes, something just have to tell you that those are merely your imaginary hopes or false hopes. You were merely dreaming. It was just a dream. WAKE UP!!! You have to wake up no matter what. The longer you stay in the dream, the longer you're cheating yourself, it was not real at all. Don't fool yourself by being fooled.

It just feels as though someone has brought you next to a well, and they tried to make you fall into the well by going down with you. When you finally fell deeper and deeper, until you saw no light at all. You suddenly realized that you were being fooled, because the person you went down with earlier on was gone in the middle of the way. You were all by yourself, feeling really helpless. 

But in order to survive, you just got to find the way back. You have to keep trying until you eventually reach the top and see the light again. It's definitely not going to be easy, it might take a really long time or not, depending on how fast you want to get back to where you once belong to. And how badly you want to get away from the world of darkness and see the sunshine again!!

Every time you get hurt or feel cheated, you learn a lesson. So the next time, if someone approaches you and wants to bring you down to the well again, will you say "YES"?? The answer is "NOT ANYMORE". I've learned my lesson and would like to thank the person who previously brought me down. Because of you, I am wiser now.

Ok I was just telling you a story!! I know this is quite lame XD And the lesson of the story is once bitten, twice shy :) Next time, I'll try to tell a more interesting one. Let me think first.. hmmmm....hahaha :D

You're NOT going to affect me :)

Hey you know what?? It's okay to hurt me after I've recovered, I don't get sad anymore!!~

You made me feel unimportant, so I have to make myself feel more important :) Blek:P

Could I be any BETTER ??

I admit that I have been trying to change to become someone better. 

During my break last year, I actually took a long time thinking of what I could do to become a better person. For example, I'll see how I can change some of the bad habits I have, or how I can change certain negative mindset which has been instilled in me long time ago.

I just didn't like the way I used to be, so I told myself I must change no matter how hard it was going to be. 

"I want people to feel comfortable when they're with me, I want to love my parents and family more, I need to learn to say NO when I have to,  I want to treat myself better (sorry for being a little selfish here!!), I want to be a nice friend, I want to try my best in everything I do, in short : I WANT TO BE A BETTER PERSON!!"

Haha... I feel so greedy when I see how much I want from myself. I always have this habit of evaluating myself after doing something. I just hope that I don't repeat the mistakes I've once made.  

But knowing that it takes time for a person to change,  I will just take one step at a time to becoming a better person. 

Starting from this year, I have started to introduce myself as Richelle instead of Jyy Yee. It's definitely not because I dislike my chinese name, just that I think it'll be easier for most people to remember and pronounce my english name. 

Apart from that, I think this is also a very good chance for me to start becoming someone whom I had wanted to become. Because when using a new name, I feel more comfortable and easier to make new changes. 

I no longer continue to do something which I don't like just because I used to do that. I just feel free to be different now. 

In fact, I named myself Richelle long time ago, just that I didn't know when to use it. But now, I feel that it's finally the right time for a change!! :)

Even though I've always wanted to change to become someone better, that doesn't at all mean that I'm not being myself. Just that I'm... ever-changing?? :) Until.... I think I'm good enough?? HAHA:)

When I'm ready, you can tell the DIFFERENCE!!

Sometimes I just can't help it but to react strangely to certain things or to do things in such a way that ppl don't expect it to be, as they might think that I would do it the other way round.

I'm sorry that's bcoz I'm not ready yet OR I've edi had another plan in my mind. So if you were to ask me to do it the way you aspire, I'm afraid I might not be able to satisfy you.

I'm that kinda person who likes to do things as the way I've planned it or like how I've predicted it earlier on.

BUT that's only if I had plans or any ideas in my mind.

If not, that means that I'm not ready for that, then it's kinda hard for me to do it. I wouldn't say it's impossible, just that I don't think the end result would be what I wanted, then I'll get a lil disappointed.

SO when I'm ready, you can definitely tell the difference, coz I'll do whatever I'm supposed to do willingly and undoubtedly. 


One more thing, when I want some space for myself means I really need it, if not I'm not going to be normal...HAHA (: 

Actually there isn't any specific reasons why I'm blogging this, but that's just my way of doing things.

Maybe I can try to be more flexible and versatile when dealing with certain things in the future??  

BECAUSE

 Life shouldn't be so boring~

and I'll always change for the better !! (:

Close OR Open ?? *_*

I feel kinda lost at this moment... suddenly feel that something is wrong with me...I just don't know how to express my true inner feelings... I no longer know when to laugh... when to cry... how to show that I actually care for somebody... tell somebody something I really want them to know...


I just can't unless it's under some special circumstances, this is probably because I've always formed this super strong barrier which only occasionally allows certain trustworthy person to enter, then I'll use this golden opportunity to tell them about everything I feel in one shot... (this is when I talk non-stop) then I will close the barrier again (back to the inactive stage)until I think the barrier formed is going to burst soon ...


This process of closing and opening of the barrier is so torturing but I just can't help it... I find it easier to tell what I truly feel when I'm talking face to face to one person at the right time and at the right place... I do realise that some of my friends find me weird when I'm behaving this way, actually even I myself don't know how did that happen in the first place... I can only say that it's not something that I could control... but still I'll try to do sth... 

If I were to describe myself using the word "temperature", I would say I'm sometimes too cold and sometimes too hot.. haha :D


At this juncture of time, I can't find chance & time to confide in someone yet.. so I need to get rid of something from my heart here~ and I just did it..


Hmmm.....MAYbe I shouldn't be so paranoid to build barrier like this, should just show what I feel right inside my heart rite???... and not a P-P-P-POKER FACE !!! xd

Phew~ anyway I feel like a deflated balloon right now.. and the feeling is so good!! :)

Food For Thought~

In the twinkling of an eye, "2009" had finally ended and it was well spent... Now, everything  seems to become better and better day by day... Last year, I was really glad to have known a bunch of new friends from college. All of us had always been working hard together so as to do well in A-levels. I really like my class~ BS2 ("Be Spirited 2gether")~

At the same time, I never forget about my old school friends... even though we no longer study at the same place but our long-lasting friendship will never change.... I still miss those days when I was in school, everyone wearing the same uniform unless you have diff positions from others.

As time passed, things started to change... Undeniably, I had my ups and downs last year... But none of those was as serious as what I experienced before that, I think the saddest moment was when my grandfather was being hospitalized. And now I know he is trying hard to adapt to the changes in his lifestyles. DON'T  GIVE  UP!!

LAST year I had been to a few places with different people during the holidays... The 1st one was my trip to London & Paris with my cousin sister to visit my sister. Then, the 2nd one was HK trip with my mum & sisters, the 3rd trip was going to Pangkor with almost all my classmates from BS2, then followed by S'pore trip with my secondary school friends. All those trips have definitely brought many fond memories that are still lingering vividly in my mind.

Now I'm starting not to fear criticism unlike how I used to be ; I use criticism as a powerful incentive to learn and improve...though sometimes is really hurtful to hear the truth but is still better than hearing the fabricated praises. Besides, I realise that I should not wait for the perfect opportunity to come along but instead I should make the one I have in hand as good as possible. Maybe I'm getting older now that's why having so many thoughts in my mind...When I come to think of it, I'll turn 19 soon when some of my friends just turned 18 not long ago... time passes really fast~

Finally 2009 has come to an end, and a brand new year has just begun.. 

2010

     QUOTE FOR THE DAY:

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."

 - Abraham Lincoln 

STRESSED ~ DESSERTS

HELLO!!! I'm BACK!!~ The past weeks were really killing me... My stress level had gone up till the MAXXXXX... but next week will be even worse...

I should have already expected this since the day i decided to take A-levels(Bioscience).. I really don't like myself when i'm under tremendous stress..

I just can't help but to be too serious about everything...start panicking for everything until I could feel the palpitations...lub*dub*lub*dub*LUB*DUB*LUB*DUB!!!! arghh...I can't BREATHE!!

And If u were trying to frighten me..better don't I'm afraid I would have a HEART ATTACK !! I seriously need some tranquilizer... Actually I heard tht eating bananas can make a person calmer.. maybe I should try that 1st..

I'm sorry if I've offended any1 during this period of time...coz i wasn't in a good condition... But I think I should learn to control myself no matter what state I'm in... (do not release anger & tension on other ppl****BEAR IN MIND! )
Usually it's a v dangerous thing when i'm under stress... I might accidentally throw tantrums on other ppl... but i do not mean to actually do that... so I must really CONTROLLLLLLL!!!!! Must go and eat banana as my dessert

A BANANA A DAY KEEPS THE STRESS AWAY~

CHILL ~

LOTs and lots of things to be completed....

I really wonder how i'm going to sit for the coming semester exam

A lot of hard work has to be done and hopefully I will do what I should..zzz

(sorry for not attending meetings after class)

it seems that STRESS is inevitable!!

A confession to make

I hope i'm not right but i'm just having this feeling that i'm the type of person whom others will not like to be with when they get to know me for a period of time...i seriously think that i have problems. I know i'm a useless person e.g if there are other ppl to choose, most of (my frenz or family members) will def go to them instead of me. This is because i usually do not know what ppl wish to know..i'm always very blur..I know i'm definitely not smart enough to be described as "intelligent" . I know i'm always the last option to everyone..the unwanted one..if they can't find any replacement..i'll be the one. I know i've used to this but i hope this will eventually change if i ever have this very slim chance. Since young, i've never appeared as the apple of anyone's eye..this is not a big deal but i think sometimes i do need to get the attention from other ppl so that i can at least tell myself that i exist in this world. I've never had ambitious plan as i know others will doubt my abilities to do so. But i'd been trying really hard to not being looked down by others. And this is when i'm suffering , feeling lethargic and meaningless in whatever i do. When this happens, i usually just tell myself nobody likes me. But i know my parents will never give up hope on me, so this is the reason why i still survive despite of feeling very hopeless at certain moments. This is how i feel whenever i'm in an uncomfortable situations . The worst of all, i even have the thoughts that people are trying to harm so i have to always protect myself by not letting them know wat my weaknesses are...though my weaknesses are utterly obvious!! I'm just feeling that i'm giving myself too much pressure and should stop that....
(my friends 've been asking me not to be emo but once again i failed..actually i'was not being emo just felt like expressing my inner feelings..so that i feel better) phew~~I'm feeling so much better now.. :)

What has CHANGED??

After 1 week of holidays, everything is back to normal again. And i had my new haircut on my bday. Just for fun actually..coz i was bored with my previous hairstyle..just thought tht it was time to change. It actually has not much difference..just tht my fringe has now bcome shorter... and i tink my face looks even rounder now..perhaps tht's the reason y my friend couldnt recognise me when i was just standing just right in front of him..or mayb he really didnt see me..haha. This week is going to be so exhausting coz i'm going home at 4.30pm for most of the days..in fact is every day. So very soon i'll b attending my first club meeting on this friday...the club that i'm joining has a very cute & admirable logo>>yes no doubt is tree huggers:) But i'm in a predicament now..i have no transports home after the club meeting..coz my friend whom i'm flwing her home is not joining dis club:( But i hope i can find a solution to this problem...or else i won't be able to join..and this is the only club that i'm joining so far...i want to be a tree hugger!!lolz..Today, i just had my physics test. It was quite hard though mr.gaura said he had actually given an easier paper to us. I cannot imagine how it would be like if he were to give us a tougher one in the next test bcoz even the easy paper took me ages to figure out the answers. Hopefully i'll pass!! :)

cny hasn't ended YET~

4th day of cny..

Today is not much different from the previous days.. didn't go anywhere

actually ch did ask if i wanted to go sunway lagoon with his friends..but i guess i was just too tired to play for one whole day...yesterday i went to adranne's hse..was another nice n huge house! I was glad that she invited me..really had lots of fun watching lion dance n playing cards...i actually forgot to bring money..so i took out my ang pau money and started playing..hehee:) hw's seat was really good..kept getting blackjack....then after she went home, mw took her seat ..guess wat..the same thing happened..i guess tht place has really good fengshui..xd oh yea and thks ka for the ride..okay i hope next time i can drive on my own (i dun wanna be so useless) :(

time passed really fast, when i glanced at my watch..oh i forgot to wear my watch yesterday..so i looked at my handphone..and it was already 11.15pm..sooo late..(it's time to go home).. so we left and by the time i reached my hse was lik 12++ @_@(v sleepy) but at least i enjoyed myself at the party!!

>>oh yea..today is junnian's bday..sooo HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY!!

~tadaa~

myenemy -.-

Actually i really wonder if i could successfully achieve what i aspire in one day. The reason for this is i have never been honest to myself. I'm always persuading myself to think that what others think are right and mine is never correct. From wat i could see in my history,i had always made the wrong decisions. But i know that self-confidence is very very important. I really admire some of my friends who are so confident in whatever they are doing. Whenever i want something v badly, the first thing i do is not to try every avenue and get it, but i will first ask others' opinions...very stupid huh..so the record for last year was..i've missed out many golden opportunities which made me feel very regretful. I think i'm just the kinda ppl who is better at fulfilling others' wills than my own. I always have the tendency to go against my will, the more i want to get sth, the more i force myself to stop doing that. I think now i have become my biggest ENEMY..arghh..is like i'm always saying no for a "yes"..and yes for a"no"....but this doesn't happen all the times.. just occasionally! So this is also one of the reasons why i could never get what i wanted..i bet whoever that is reading my blog will think that i'm a v stupid person. Actually i'm feeling very unhappy with my frivolous act but i just can't stop myself from doing that..Is actually very easy to do what u feel like..but y can't i just be as simple as possible..and not complicate sth that can be done without any difficulties. In conclusion, don't cheat urself! It hurts! >_<

searching for...YOU!

what am i still looking for when i've gotten almost everything i wanted..BUT there's one thing which i am seriously lack of...i've been searching everywhere with every possible avenue but my fervent hope has not come true...I really need a person who is willing to be my listener at anytime, anywhere...whenever i have a lot of things to say , no one is dere for me to tell..i hav no choice but to bottle things up to make myself as if a bomb that can explode at anytime and scare everyone far away from me...though i do tell my friends abt certain things but i dun tink the things i said appeal to them... i know i'm not an interesting person..but i always try to myself to bcome one..and none of my attempts succeeded....haha so just be myself...the one whom nobody likes to be with..

how do i feel when i keep everything to myself?of course it's terrible...when i'm in this state, i'll not want to utter a single word to anyone even to my dearest friends or family....i only enjoy talking to ppl who are interested in what i'm saying and will give their opinions during the conversation ..bcoz if he or she has no interest to talk to me...what for i make him or her talk.. this is as if i'm forcing to crack an unripe egg...i just do not like to force ppl to do something unwillingly..so if u don't like me..just tell me and i'll stay away from you automatically..it's just as simple as that...by virtue of my eccentricity, i've lost quite number of friends,but what's done is never undone...i really don't know whether it's right or wrong to behave in this way.. but i'm starting to see the effects ..my friends are limited..hopefully they won't extinct in the future!

How Do I Feel Now...

my house has now become so much quieter after my bro and youngest

sis have left for hong kong..which means i'm lonely

~Lonely, im so lonely,I have nobody for my own,

suddenly, i started to miss them.. i didn't know i would have missed them soooO MUCH!! until i slumped down in the sofa and on the tv..it was absolutely silent. I could only hear the sound coming out from the tv..usually i will be talking to my sis or even arguing with her just

because we want to watch diff channels..

**

now i can finally own the whole tv..and watch whatever channel as i

wish..but i dun find the tv programmes nice watching

I . . . . . G . U. E . S . S

i have used to live in a big family!

Luckily i'm not the only child in the family

because i cannot survive without them..REALLY

i have refrained myself from being lachrymose no matter

how much i miss them.. I only hope they have a

wonderful, happy and safe journey..

**AND must get as many souvenirs as possible for ME!!!

i dun care!

heheheheeheee....

I'm bored !

Argh...is dere anything fun out dere for me to do...I'm really bored. I guess I'm abit too hyper..I can't sit still...Initially, my another holiday plan was to go Australia with my cousin's family...HOWEVER, my mum doesn't want to go with me bcoz she'll be going to UK soon(my sis's graduation day) so everyday I'm just rotting at home...either sitting in front of the computer or being a real couch potato...Since my plan didn't work, i shall indulge myself in other activities.. instead of just letting my precious time flies away...Will think about it seriously! :>

A Special Day, 29 Feb

After finising the CHEMISTRY paper, i could finally grin like a Chesire cat..hehehee..exams had ended...lalala~~~And then, we had "mesyuarat agong". As expected, i didn't get any post, tht's normal coz i'm just a small little tiny 'atom' in school..whow study too much of chemistry edi...hahaha.. After school ended, sm n frenz went to 1u for movie. But i couldnt go..coz i hav piano..arghhh..

When i reached home, i felt sooo tired and didnt feel like doing anything ...just wanted to quickly bathe and lie on my comfortable bed... the faster the betta.. BUT...piano lesson starts at 3.15 p.m. "Hello..u dun have time to rest, u didnt practise enuf " this kept lingering in my mind. I really didnt want to go. So I , the lazy bum sms my tcher. In short, i skipped my lesson. OH , i'm such a terrible person . But i really needed a rest after spending sleepless nights studying like a mad person..(the bad thing abt studying at the eleventh hour) Neva b like ME...never ever!!

Actually sth happened to me today, a pessimistic person like me is quite impossible to think tht "wow the world is so beautiful' or "I love myself". All these have never come into my mind. Lying on the bed, alot of thoughts came into my mind at once. I started feeling sad again as i thought of sth which i really cannot accept . And then, i could feel the hot tears streaming down my cheeks. She was my best friend but now she is my friend. She was sitting next to me but now i have to stretch my neck to see her. The memorable moments we had are over..its OVER.. No matter how, it could never be like last time. What i know is she is now happier that she doesnt have to b with me at all times..perhaps i 'm a boring person who doesnt noe to treat ppl well. In fact, i'm a paranoic who is very scared of being hurt. That's y i'll make sure tht i dun hurt others so that dey dun hurt me too. I really cannot stand the feeling of being hurt. My heart is vv fragile! Even a small little matter can make my heart break.

I always try my very best effort to fulfil what my frens want..did i?? so tht dey feel good to b wif me..but then it seems tht this way doesnt work. Nowadays, the friends who care abt me can be counted using fingers. I can feel tht i'm juz nobody in others' eyes or mayb even transparent. It seems tht nobody notices my existence in this world. So i will feel v happy when a person calls me, at least i'm nt invisible. Tht sounds funny. Actually juz by talking to me can make me b in the seventh heaven. I really like to b in a crowd with a bunch of friends. But now i'm always alone in my little world. Everyone is very important to me so i'll try to get out of my own world and join the crowd!!