I'm pretty tired of what I had been doing. Always thinking that I have the ability to make things better, but sometimes I'm just way too ambitious, like seriously.
I was trying too hard.
I never like getting into conflicts with other people especially those whom I am close with. But whenever I don't like or agree with something, I would just say it out regardless of what. This requires a great deal of courage too, as I know it may or may not be a happy ending.
The reason why I can be so honest with you is because I trust you and want you to understand me, definitely not because I have something against you. I know I may sound like one, that's because I don't like it when I don't even get the chance to be heard.
Sometimes I was just trying to be a peace-maker, who knows I turned out to be the trouble-maker. I admit that I shouldn't sound so impatient when trying to tell people what I think is right, it only makes myself sound annoying and irritating.
I will think more deeply before I act next time, not so impulsive anymore!! Just bear in mind that I can't possibly change or help everyone around me, as I may not be the right person to do so. I don't want to be a busybody anyway.
For now, I will learn to think in a more mature way. For the betterment of tomorrow, I will try my best ONLY!!!
I've been enjoying this holidays very much even though I didn't go anywhere far away from my house:)
Spending some quality time with family and close friends is the best thing to do at the moment.
For the past two weeks, I went to Malacca twice BUT with different group of people. Actually to me, it doesn't really matter where the destination is, what more important is who you're going with.
The first time, I went with my college mates. It was really great seeing most of them (:
Part of BS2 :P
Going for a trip with friends is indeed the best time to bond with each other.
The second time was with some of my close buddies from uni :)
I had lots of fun going out with them although I went to the same place twice in less than one month.
It was also good in a way because whatever I found worth trying or eating in Malacca the 1st time, I would just bring my other friends to the same spots again. Really saved a lot of time!! :)
In fact, Malacca is a place I will go almost every year whenever my family feel like going. Just this year alone, I had been there for about 4 times already I think.
But going Malacca with friends was quite different. And it was also the first time I stayed in Malacca for 3 days and 2 nights.
Many people might think what can you do in Malacca for 3 days 2 nights, must be so BORING!! True enough that there's nothing much in Malacca, but then when you have friends around, anything can be just plain fun!!~
Really like the place which we stayed for the 3 days. It was just like a house for all of us, where we played like crazy, talked about just anything we felt like it, ate whatever food was available, watched whatever was screened on the TV even though that show was super duperrr lousy:P Omg I couldn't believe that we actually watched that movie till the end. XD
We also went to A Famosa, still remember the last time I went there was almost a decade ago. And I think that was a tuition trip XD
This photo marks the end of our Malacca trip~
So here, all I wanna say is I had fun in Malacca with you people.
Semester 2 ~ I must say that this semester passed by really fast. It was definitely tougher than semester 1 but it was because of all these tough times I faced that transformed me into a better and stronger person.
Like what I used to do, this time I will blog about semester 2 as a whole.
In this pretty short semester, a lot of tasks and assignments were given compared to last semester.
I was pretty stressful and had a hard time dealing with the heavy workload at the beginning. But I knew I had to do it no matter what, so no point complaining XD
I would say a lot of self-motivation was needed to keep myself moving forward. Getting support from friends was equally important when facing with difficulties. Without them, I think my life would be so pathetic. HAHA
I'm glad to have a bunch of good friends to talk to whenever I need them. I seriously think that having someone to listen to you is very very important. Though what I said might not be appealing, but all I needed was just someone who could listen and understand me~ Of course if you need any help from me, don't hesitate to ask:)
I know for people like me is a bit difficult to understand, since I always have my own way of doing things. And once I started talking, I would talk non-stop and full of craps, okay that one I will control myself ><
My friends are just too nice, to certain extent it makes me feel bad as I don't treat them as nice as how they treated me. Guilty~ Sometimes I even thought," Please don't be too nice to me, at least I will feel better that way." haha :D
One of the highlights in this semester would be I joined cheer. Some people asked me," Aren't you afraid of failing EOS (one of the major exams in imu) ??" In my mind, I thought," Of course I'm scared lahh!! But then..if I don't join, does that mean I will surely pass??" I just couldn't care more but to follow my heart. I was thinking, who knows I might pass even after joining cheer :P
Then I told myself from that day onwards(the day I
decided to join cheer), I MUST WORK EXTRA SUPER DUPER HARDDDDD!!!! I
must not let this affect my academics, I want to prove the person who said that wrong!!! So I challenged myself !! Though the risk was there, but if I didn't try it, I would definitely regret !!
As long as I'm given a chance, I will give it a try and not waste it. And when I've made up my mind to do something, I will give in my BEST !! Thank god my parents never gave me any pressure in anything I did, because they know me too well!!
After getting my results, I'm more than happy to announce that, I MADE IT!!! All the hard work finally paid off. I did much better for my medical paper as compared to the dental one, I think I focused too much on medical and neglected dental. Ops I spent too little on dental >< all because of the tonnes of medical notes which I was so afraid that I couldn't finish reading.
Okay, for now what more important is, I passed !! Time to really enjoy my precious holidays:)
Basically, semester 2 is a really good time to challenge yourself. If you make it through, you will sense the self-satisfaction and happiness. And also, you will be mentally stronger after that because when I think back, I realize that
Determinationis actually the main key to
SUCCESS!! (no short-cut)
Actually the result was released on the 18th, I started
blogging few days ago, and was just waiting for my results to complete
this.
Alright play hard for now!! Work HARDER next semester!!!!
Cheer competition has finally come to an end, I'm beginning to miss those moments when I had practice together with them!!~
In these two months, I had made many good friends. And many things which I previously thought I couldn't do are no longer a far-fetched dream~ Ever since I was in high school, I always wished to become a cheerleader. Probably because I like the feeling when you so high up and get to do some challenging moves.
There was once when I almost joined cheer for Sports Day in high school but due to exams I decided to quit. After that, I regretted like mad!! HAHA
Then I told myself, I must at least try once in my life, I don't care!!! HAHAHA.. If not I will buy myself the uniform...LOL I just wanna try as many things as possible when I'm still young. So this time I'm glad that I had made this move, to join cheer. At the beginning, I was quite worried and didn't know whether I should join because the competition was just one day after the exams.
But in the end the urge to join was so strong that I made this decision. I knew it was not going to be easy since I didn't have any basics. The hardest part of all was to allocate time for revision when practice became more and more intensive. Stress level was inevitably high during that moment but because I really liked what I was doing so it wasn't too bad:)
I remember being rather down and upset at the beginning of this semester, but after joining cheer, I became happier and felt that this was going to the right platform for me to gain some self-confidence and challenge myself (in overcoming my fear of being thrown up high and then fall, my fear of joining something on my own, my fear of being so close in contact with other people and etc.)
I am happy to be able to bond quite well with some of the members, especially those from my stunt group. Really have to thank them for being present for almost every practices, thus explained the tremendous improvement we had made in such a short duration of time. TRUST is really important when doing stunts. I admit that I didn't trust my base supporters at first, but after that I knew I had to.
The things which I had gained from joining cheer is just too much to be listed down here one by one. Though we did not win and in fact we got erm "first" from the back =P (I knew we could be better but then what's done can't be undone) and it's the process that matters most!!
The reasons why we couldn't finish the whole routine nicely was partly due to the nervousness for being the first team to perform and also one of our main flyers injured quite badly just one day before the competition. But she still insisted that she would try her best to do it, this is the spirit man!!! :D so proud of her!!
Actually what I treasure most now is the people whom I worked hard with to make this dream come true and winning is just like another bonus. I did not at all think of winning in the beginning anyway, I still remember all I wanted was just to become a cheerleader, and now I even became a flyer. SO I am actually more than happy with my own little achievement, and never thought that I had the courage to do something I like:) And this could be my first and last time doing it already~
Thanks to those who supported me!! :)
Special thanks to these awesome people in my stunt group & captain too :)
(haha I don't think I look good with thick make-up:P)
I am trying really hard now, hoping that I can do what I expected myself to accomplish. Just hope that I can turn my dreams into reality. And to achieve that means I really have to work extra, super, extremely hard. Can I do it?? I just have to force myself!!!!
Just hope that I can be physically, mentally and intellectually fit until the end of everything. As what I always cheer during my practice
I'm too tired to care so much anymore. I know I'm not very good in a lot of things which I'm doing right now. I can feel how people think of me, just by the way they talk or look at me. I know how bad I am when dealing with certain things.
I'm really really tired for reminding myself to do so many things everyday. People might think that I'm faked, selfish, timid, snobbish or whatever it is I don't know, just maybe or no one is even free to think about me.
I know I always make people feel uncomfortable when they are talking to me. Sometimes I even think that it may be even better if I just keep quiet all day long. Be as transparent as possible, but this is definitely not the right thing to do.
I just don't want to give myself too much of unnecessary pressure. If it's something I can't do I will only try and not force myself any further. I can't possibly change myself just to please everyone, but instead should be the real me, which I'm still seeking.
Should really stop playing hide and seek with myself. I know it's a very sad thing if my family or good friends were to read this. They must be really disappointed with me who is thinking so negatively. I just need some time to get better. It's not easy to cope with so many things and I just have to keep on motivating myself no matter what, since I made the choice!! It's just another battle that I need to fight till the end~
I just started sem 2 one week ago, and I was pretty exhausted last week. Suddenly there were just so many deadlines to be met, but glad that I'd submitted all those assignments. It was like one after another.
But this week is slightly better despite the super tight schedule. Classes end late for almost everyday, NOW I finally get a taste of how sem2 students feel. One word- STRESS!! That's inevitable but so far still manageable.
After sem2 commenced, my sleeping hours have been slowly reduced and the piles of notes to be revised has been on the rise~ >< I feel so tired for almost everyday, especially during the afternoon lectures. I nearly slept the other day ;P
This semester, we started learning microbiology!! Actually I think it is rather interesting though I'm still having a hard time remember the names which may sound rather exotic and uncommon.
Since we are always surrounded by all these microorganisms, sometimes even without we ourselves knowing, so it'll be good to know them well before they cause any harms to us :)
As for dental lectures, we no longer study the head and neck anatomy but more on the dental structures and their microscopic structures, dental-related diseases and etc. We'll also be doing more practicals as compared to last semester. More things to be anticipated. And we'll be going for dental clinics and lab visits next week!!
Nowadays, I always stick to my another friend during the dental lectures after our friend left. I know I should be mixing around but after one semester it's not as easy as before to blend in with others. Maybe because everyone already has a fixed group of friends whom they usually hang out with?? I admit that I find it hard now but I will still try =] I believe that it will eventually be okay! :)
~We should always learn to adapt to new changes as nothing lasts forever.
Holidays will be ending soon. Oh no!! I've not done much during the holidays, once again what I've planned earlier on was not done, or maybe only partially done.
Whenever I want to start studying, either my laziness or something will stop me from doing that. This is bad but I did have some fun during my holidays. I didn't go anywhere too far, since I just wanted to get more rest and go out once in a while to meet my friends.
When I know there are too many things for me to do, I will start feeling the stress and don't know which one to start first. I think I should finish one task at a time instead of being so ambitious, trying to do so many things at one time. And I think I should sleep more. But the thing is I will feel guilty if I wake up too late, so usually I won't sleep till too late unless I'm really tired.
Nowadays, my sleeping time becomes later and later, I used to make sure that I sleep latest by 12am. But now knowing that my holidays will be ending soon, will stay up a bit later to do my assignments.
I think is really bad when you don't get enough sleep, I tend to get agitated easily >.<
I've tried making people around me feel good because I believe that with a more positive attitude, everything will eventually turn out to be good. BUT then, I have overestimated my own ability, apparently I'm not able to influence others in the way I expected it to be.
When I say this, it means that I've attempted quite a number of times and it still didn't work that well. And I've also tried with different people, not merely one. So I think it's really not easy to change a person's behaviour, just like how I find it hard to change some of my own bad habits :P
Sometimes, I just think that certain things could be better if we were to do it in another way. But others might not think so. So to make life simpler... just don't care about them?? Hmmm..to be honest, I actually can't do so, UNLESS that person is no longer my family member or friend.
When what I wanted to see didn't happen, for sure the disappointment is there. But I'll usually keep on trying until a point where I think I've already tried my best or perhaps some other more suitable people can do it, then that's when I think I should stop.
Maybe I shouldn't be so meddlesome, we can help others only when they are willing to be helped by us, so I shall just take good care of myself and if people really need my help, I think they'll come to me.
Actually I just hope to see people around me to live happily (If not every day at least most of the time^^). Because I was once in a deep depression and nobody but only myself could change the situation. Though I had some very supportive friends at that time, I still think no one could change that except for myself.
SO I personally feel that life could be better when we want it to be, really :) That's when I started to be more easily contented. Okay just a reminder for the day: Don't become a busybody in an excessive manner!!
Time passes really fast, just like a shooting star~
Semester 1 has finally ended, now I'm no longer a Sem 1student!! ~
But I'm having ambivalent feelings about this. I'm happy because I've gone through one semester and have done a lot of things. At the same time, I'm also feeling a little bit sad that this sem has already ended bacause this can be said as one of the happiest moments in my life.
And I'm really glad to have made some awesome friends who keep me motivated and entertained most of the time :D
OK let's look at some of the highlights and fun moments in sem1~
(it's gonna be filled with lots and lots of pictures)
READY??
It all started with me being part of this big family- GROUP 9!!
Our 1st performance together :)
Slumber party :)
mamak session !! :P
our dear friend- shu jin's 20th birthday
1st shopping outing - Pavilion :)
1st karaoke session with them :)
The cookie monsters..haha :)
Fundraising (Our friend who loves cincau so much is selling cincau ^^)
Charity Home Visit @ Rumah Shalom
My 1st and the only infinity milers training (the bunnies:P)
Hiking @ Klang Gates
I love lunch outings with them :D
We always take a group pic in the car whenever there's a lunch outing
1st time cooking with friends :)
Here comes the ORAL HEALTH Week...
Custom-made plaster teeth for our group members:)
My booth for OHW- ORAL HYGIENE :)
Then followed by INTERVARSITY GAMES @ AIMST
Campus tour @ AIMST
My 1st dance performance in uni :)
Can't believe that I was actually playing soccer:)
Some other outings~
First time attending an orchestra concert :)
Sem1 CG gathering!!
My coursemates :)
DT111 in the dental lab:)
Some of the fun moments spent with two of my closest dental friends- Shu Jin & Jeff
Face-painting:)
Making a bite impression:)
Oh no... Jeff we're gonna miss you when you leave us. BUT we'll still be happy for you :D
This is such a long post full of pictures though there are some which are not shown here. I like compiling pictures in this way because I want myself to remember all these happy moments I once had in my life and will continue to have more in the future.
Life is not always a bed of roses, but with great friends around no matter what happens to us, we still know that out there there are always people who support us and care for us. That way life will be more meaningful and blissful.
Though I spent most of my time with my uni friends in that 4-5 months, I still miss my old friends and I'm gonna to meet up with you guys like real soon :)
The thing which I'm afraid most is happening again, how could I?? Sometimes it's not because I don't want to get something which I aspire to have, but it's the fear that is stopping me. Because I'll always think of what would happen if I were to lose it one day. And this thought of losing it is stopping me whenever I attempt to get it.
So it's just like I'm playing a game with myself, trying to do everything against my own will. This is really pathetic, but I don't know why I have such thought in my mind. So can you imagine the number of times I've disappointed myself, it is countless!! I thought I could change this but this part of me is just too hard to be gotten rid of. My life is ruined by myself, how could I ???
Yes I know that this is not right, but I just can't help it. I don't know why I like to torture myself so much and in such crazy manner.
Really sorry for all these boring posts recently, can just ignore them if you think is annoying. I just want to voice out here. And no offence because it's utterly about my own self who can't speak certain things with my self-sealed mouth.
Listening to my own voice through the songs I sing makes me feel good. It may not sound nice to others, but I just like the feeling of being so close to myself. Really comfortable, though certain parts are out of tune or have some pitching problems :) Doesn't matter!!
It can bring back the fond memories I had while singing that song. Then, I realised that my voice has changed slightly. I have a more mature voice now... HAHA :D
In life, I know I might have many weaknesses, but I wouldn't blame myself for that. Instead, I think is better to think of ways to improve them than to be upset over it. Some of my weaknesses may have caused problems or difficulties to me, but I will not give up in overcoming them. No matter how long it takes or how many times I'm going to fail !!~
I seriously don't know what's happening, but I know something is definitely not right here. I know I will never get to know what I needed or wanted to know. Whatever it is, I think this is really very unhealthy. It shouldn't be the way, absolutely NOT!
It's ruining my life, it's really bad. I seriously don't like this!! My days used to be filled with only happiness and it should continue to be like this. I want my SMILE back, the worst thing in the world is to not know the reasons behind of something bad which happened to you.
For example, if you hate me, at least let me know why. Or if I have done anything wrong, please let me know?? Don't assume that I will know because I'm seriously clueless. I don't want to feel like an idiot who is unaware of what's happening around herself.
~ I beg you, please. Okay, that's all for now!! (x
In times of loneliness, what you need is just a person to tell you that you're actually not alone.
I have never been this afraid of loneliness before. In fact, I thought I would enjoy the pleasure of being alone. But not until I finally got to spend more time all by myself, then I realized that I dislike the feeling of being alone, when there's no one you can talk to or just to look at.
I might appear as though I'm like a loner since I've hardly spoken anything which bothers me to anyone before. That's because I'm just not used to doing this since young. Getting me to express my inner feelings can be one of the most difficult tasks, unless you could make me feel really comfortable doing that.
In most of my attempts, even before I uttered a word, my tears already started to roll down. It's to this extent when it comes to something really sentimental or emotional, that's why I always choose to avoid , which I find is quite torturing. Alright it's time to learn to cope with my rather eccentric behaviours !! -.-
I'm not really in the mood of blogging but just thought that my blog would look really pathetic if I don't update it.
YEAH tomorrow will be a public holiday!!! I love holidays and I want more because I have a lot of things to do!!!
But for now, I really have to stop doing all other unimportant things and make myself to STUDY more. I really need to allocate more time for study, seeing the long list of chapters which I'm yet to cover is really depressing.
Okay, shall not talk so much since this post was intended to be a short one.
I've not been this busy before, it all started after I joined the dance which will be performed during the intervarsity games, organized by Aimst @ Kedah.
I actually think that I'm busy at the right time, not because what we're learning now is fairly easy and it's definitely not. But the reason why I said so was because previously I think my brain had wandered off too far away, until I couldn't concentrate well. And I've actually made myself suffer for no good reasons. Stupid me:P
At least now that I have something to engage in, I tend not to think about other things. It's like there's just something for me to do almost every hour. You know when you're busy, your mind just can't think of anything else but for the things which you're doing, which is good:)
Though I get really tired almost everyday, I still don't mind as long as I get what I want in the end. Undeniably, the thought of giving up kept lingering in my mind, because it wasn't easy at all in the beginning. And giving up on something is always easy, but it's the determination to do it till the end that is the difficult part. And that's what we call "Perseverance".
I don't know if I can do it, but will definitely try. I'd just missed out too many opportunities of any forms in the past, all because I gave up too easily. And I was always skeptical about my own ability to do something even before trying it. Actually, nothing is impossible if we're willing to learn.
The more I'm afraid of something, the more I want myself to do it, to try it, or even see it. Yes I just want to conquer as much fears as possible. Because when you're all by yourself, you just have to face everything YOURSELF. So it's better to get prepared..haha sounds like I'm torturing myself !! >.<
For now, whatever happens, I will just let it be because sometimes certain things are just beyond what we could control. But I can certainly choose the way I want to live.
I know this post might sound like I'm talking to myself. Hmm actually quite true. Because I just can't find a good way to express what I feel, what I think but I really need that. For I always feel better after doing it. And I don't think anyone would like to lend me their ears for all my relatively boring thoughts.
HAHA don't worry, I won't bother you. And I will always find a way to heal myself. Because if I don't love myself more, who will ?? :)
Life may be a little tough at times, but as long as we don't give up and continue to move on, I'm sure it'll turn out to be good.
Glad that my problem is no longer a problem anymore :)
How I feel now is shown below:
P/S: Don't hesitate to smile :)
Thanks to my friend who drew such a pretty design on it. I LOVE IT SO MUCH and would love to be as happy as the tooth :D Because the smile makes her look really pretty.
~Whenever you're starting to see hopes, something just have to tell you that those are merely your imaginary hopes or false hopes. You were merely dreaming. It was just a dream. WAKE UP!!! You have to wake up no matter what. The longer you stay in the dream, the longer you're cheating yourself, it was not real at all. Don't fool yourself by being fooled.
It just feels as though someone has brought you next to a well, and they tried to make you fall into the well by going down with you. When you finally fell deeper and deeper, until you saw no light at all. You suddenly realized that you were being fooled, because the person you went down with earlier on was gone in the middle of the way. You were all by yourself, feeling really helpless.
But in order to survive, you just got to find the way back. You have to keep trying until you eventually reach the top and see the light again. It's definitely not going to be easy, it might take a really long time or not, depending on how fast you want to get back to where you once belong to. And how badly you want to get away from the world of darkness and see the sunshine again!!
Every time you get hurt or feel cheated, you learn a lesson. So the next time, if someone approaches you and wants to bring you down to the well again, will you say "YES"?? The answer is "NOT ANYMORE". I've learned my lesson and would like to thank the person who previously brought me down. Because of you, I am wiser now.
Ok I was just telling you a story!! I know this is quite lame XD And the lesson of the story is once bitten, twice shy :) Next time, I'll try to tell a more interesting one. Let me think first.. hmmmm....hahaha :D
